I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
