According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
