Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
