I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
