you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
