I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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