Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
