Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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