this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
