I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
