She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
