Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
