I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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