I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
