dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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