thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
