i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
