Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
