Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
