Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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