Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
