Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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