My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
