i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just google imaged poop.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
