You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
