these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
