so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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