I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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