Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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