Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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