I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
