1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
