DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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