He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
