Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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