I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
