doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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