Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You made out with two different species that night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
