i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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