the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
