so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
