There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
