One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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