Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
