First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
