If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
