Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
