I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
