guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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