Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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