nut hugger
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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