It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
