yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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