Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
